The end of the story

The summer of 1996 holds a significant place in my memory. I vividly recall the experience of watching the epic movie DDLJ on a Video Cassette in the comfort of my home. Just around the climax, the sound system started screeching (VHS tapes of terrible 90s). I was tearing up and pining for Simran to join her beloved Raj, but I couldn't hear what Simran's wretched father was saying! It spoiled my entire movie experience and scarred my memory in ways one can't imagine. Twenty years later, the screech still rings in my ears, giving me jitters.  

It was weeks later that I learned about the iconic dialogue, much to my dismay- Jaa Simran jaa! While I enjoyed the 3-hour-long movie to bits, smiling, weeping, and praying for Simran, the last 3 minutes wrecked my memory of the iconic film.

   

Tyranny of the Remembering Self

The moment stuck with me for many years. Why did three hours of sheer joy not matter? Why did those three minutes of agony shape my experience? It was only much later that I realized the reason behind this key cognitive illusion. We don't choose between experiences, but we choose the memories of these experiences. What defines your memory are significant moments and endings. Endings are very, very important.


Understanding this cognitive illusion is not just an interesting concept, but vital for assessing our lives and times. Daniel Kahneman says we have two selves - "The experiencing self lives in the present. It knows the present. It has only the present. The remembering self is the one that keeps score and maintains the story of our life." I was happy while watching the movie, but I wasn't happy about the memory of the movie. The duration of an experience has little effect on its overall value. What truly matters are the most intense moments and how the experience concludes.


Cricketer Ashwin announced his controversial retirement last week. He played international cricket for fourteen years and scalped 765 wickets in his illustrious career, second only to Anil Kumble. Although Ashwin's cricket career was filled with remarkable milestones, his controversial retirement will likely define how his career is remembered. Endings overshadow the body of an experience.  



Another Kahneman experiment amplifies the cognitive illusion. In this experiment, the intensity of pain was plotted against time duration.  





Patient A had a colonoscopy for 10 minutes with two peaks in the intensity of pain. Patient B had a colonoscopy for 30 minutes. Still, in his last few moments, the pain intensity was significantly lesser than in the first 10 minutes, with two peak intensities, just like patient A. A few days later, Patient B recalled his medical procedure as tolerable, while Patient A categorized it as a violent bout of pain. Kahneman explains it thus: "The remembering self does not care about the duration of a pleasant or unpleasant experience. It cares about the quality of the peak and the end."

           

If that doesn't convince you, ask any woman who has undergone childbirth. The memory of childbirth is dominated by the peak moments of pain and joy at the end. The duration of the labor has little influence on the experience. My wife swore that she wouldn't go through another such experience. As time passed, the memory that remained was the bundle of joy in our arms. Five years later, we had another wailing lad in our lap!


The human mind's biggest cognitive trap is duration neglect. Are you happy in your life or happy about your life? These are two wholly different questions. The first refers to your experiences; the second alludes to your memory. Heads or tails, memory always wins!


There once was a man who would say,

Beginnings bring hope,

Durations have no dope

But the end lets you cope,

  

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